It’s a common belief that once therapy “works,” or anxiety is “under control,” we’re done. We graduate. We move on. But the truth is, real and lasting calm isn’t a milestone we check off — it’s a rhythm we learn to maintain.
What I’ve seen time and again is that even after significant work in therapy, clients can suddenly feel like they’ve taken a step backward. Old patterns re-emerge. Anxiety creeps back in. The calm they worked so hard to find feels shaky again.
They ask:
“What happened?”
“Have I done all this work for nothing?”
“Did I miss something?”
“Is this just who I am after all?”
Often, nothing dramatic has changed, except the slow slipping away of balance across the three areas that matter most: mind, body, and environment. When one of these goes off-balance, the others start pulling, like a tug of war between systems that are all doing their best to stay upright. This is where non-negotiables come in.
What Are Non-Negotiables?
Non-negotiables are small, personal activities that keep you well — the kind of things that ground you, lift you, or remind you of who you are. You do them not because you “should,” but because they give you stability, even in stressful times.
They can also act like alarm signals — if you’re suddenly not doing them, it might be a sign that something deeper is off.
The Tug of War: Mind, Body, Environment
These three systems are always in relationship. If you neglect one, the others feel it.
When your body is sleep-deprived or undernourished, your mind becomes foggy, and your space may become chaotic.
When your environment is overwhelming or disorganised, your energy drops and your thoughts become cluttered.
When your mind is full of racing thoughts or self-criticism, it affects your sleep, energy, and ability to connect with your surroundings.
That’s why healing has to include all three. Here’s how to start thinking about your own non-negotiables:
1. Mind
This includes anything that brings clarity, calm, or focus. Journaling, morning silence, gratitude lists, creative hobbies — even a ten-minute walk without your phone.
Reflect: What clears your head? What helps you feel present or inspired?
Read: Lessons from a year-long social media detox.
2. Body
Think about sleep, nutrition, movement, hydration, or rest. A regular bedtime, cooking meals, walking in the park — these all count.
Reflect: What small habits make your body feel nourished, safe, and energised?
Read: How we can improve our physical health and wellbeing.
3. Environment
This includes the spaces and people around you. A tidy corner, saying no to draining plans, soft lighting, stepping outside for air — these shape your internal world more than we realise.
Reflect: Where do you feel most supported, soothed, or spacious?
Read: The transformative benefits of being outdoors and Ecotherapy.
Start Small, Stay Consistent
The goal isn’t perfection — it’s rhythm. You might already have a few non-negotiables in place. Great — keep those. Then choose one simple practice to start this week in an area that’s been neglected.
Write them down. Share them with someone. Schedule them like appointments. These small acts of self-respect are what anchor us when life feels uncertain.
Your nervous system needs consistency, not intensity.
Start where you are. Stay with what matters.
That’s how calm becomes not just something you find — but something you keep.
Want to explore further?
👉 If you haven’t done it yet, take the quiz: “Is It Just Anxiety — Or Is Your Nervous System Stuck in Survival Mode?”
