An ONS study has shown that marital status was one of the top three things that made people most happy. Financial stability, companionship, division of labour and larger social networks feature among the most common reasons. But don’t despair if you are not married nor planning on doing it as there is surely more to happiness than marriage. Though there seems to be a link between romantic relationships, good health and happiness, you might want to reflect on what you need to be happy before rushedly putting a ring on it.

The link between marriage and happiness

The study “Personal and economic well-being: what matters most to our life satisfaction?” was released in 2019. It analyzed data from 286,059 people in the UK between 2017-2018 and found that marital status was one of the top three things that made them most happy. Married couples rated their satisfaction with life as 9.9% higher than widows, and 8.8% higher than divorced individuals. 

A range of studies conducted in the United States found that married people reported higher levels of happiness compared to unmarried individuals. 

Another study published in the Journal of positive psychology found that married individuals were more likely to experience positive emotions and less likely to experience negative emotions than those who were single. Married people are found to live longer than unmarried people due to better physiological functioning and increased happiness. 

Some reasons why those who are married were said to be happier include companionship, daily interaction, division of labour, sexual intimacy, helping each other to cope with stress, and larger social networks. 

The debate: are married people are really happier?

Not all researchers agree that marriage is a key element in happiness. For instance, Behavioural scientist Paul Dolan says traditional markers of success no longer apply and that single women are actually the happiest among us:

“We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I am going to do a massive disservice to that science and just say: if you’re a man, you should probably get married; if you’re a woman, don’t bother.”

A downside to all that happiness could be the stigma that marriage and children are signs of success could lead some single women to feel unhappy.

Dolan said men showed more health benefits from tying the knot, as they took fewer risks. Women’s health was mostly unaffected by marriage, with middle-aged married women even being at higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single counterparts.

Despite the benefits of a single, childless lifestyle for women, Dolan said that the existing narrative that marriage and children were signs of success meant that the stigma could lead some single women to feel unhappy.

Another possible argument is that marriage actually selects happiness rather than causes it. In other words: marriage could select people who are already healthy and happy. The argument here is that it’s easier to attract a mate if you’ve got a pleasant personality and reasonably good looks, and that those traits already make you happier on average compared to someone in poor health, for example.

More financial stability can be a factor

Despite all the discussion, marriage can act as a financial safety net for partners who combine their earnings as they can enjoy a higher standard of living (eg. better housing) than before marriage. The improved standard of living contributes to overall happiness and better mental health. 

Societies’ view on marriage has changed significantly over the past few decades. In the past, marriage was seen as a necessary and expected part of adult life, particularly for women and some cultures. Marriage may have been a way to secure economic stability, as well as a means of fulfilling traditional gender roles. 

In recent years, attitudes toward marriage have become more diverse and individualistic with the financial element still being important, though in a different way. 

Does marriage reduce stress?

A study published by Carnegie Mellon University in Philadelphia found that those who were married had lower levels of cortisol which is produced when you are stressed compared to those who were never married or previously married. Researchers suggested that “unmarried people face more psychological stress than married individuals.” 

Those who are divorced experience increased social isolation, a lack of social support and stigma due to their separation. 

And once again, it might not be just the lack of a partner itself that is cause for distress but, rather the stigma. Individuals who were single were found to experience stigma as a result of their non-normative marital status. Stigma against unmarried individuals often leads to feelings of shame or loss which triggers cortisol to be released – meaning that single and divorced individuals were more likely to be stressed and less happy. 

This is not to say that you need to get married now in order to be happy, healthy and less stressed. A better way to chase happiness is by assessing your needs. 

Therapy and self-reflection are better than marriage

It is important to also remember that the majority of research has been conducted in the U.S. so we cannot confidently apply these findings to other parts of the world, especially non-western countries. Additionally, few studies only included couples who stayed married, therefore findings may be biased. 

Reflect on your current social relationships whether that is with family, a romantic partner or friends. Ask yourself what and who is going to make you happy in life and are your current relationships serving you? 

Our relationships can be defined by society, social media and those around us. You may have felt the pressure to be independent, earn your own money and take care of yourself, or to find a partner and settle down immediately. You may have felt pressure to stay in a relationship that was not allowing you to be your best self or felt insecure to start dating and putting yourself out there. All these feelings are normal and valid! 

Our past experiences and what we learned from childhood shape our perception of relationships now. I encourage you to take a step back and consider whether your past is ruling your present. 

It might not be about marriage but rather about connection

Happiness looks and feels different to each individual depending on what is important to them. One thing which makes me happy…chocolate…may not make someone else happy! 

Happiness is a complex construct that can be influenced by a wide range of factors, including relationships, specifically romantic partners and marriage.

It is human nature to crave connection, love, belonging and security. Think about survival! Throughout history, individuals who lived in groups and had social connections were more likely to survive than those who were isolated. 

Social connections allowed people to cooperate, share knowledge and resources, provide emotional and physical support to each other and develop an identity to better understand who we are. 

We don’t live in communities in that way any longer, which can lead to isolation and maybe put that extra pressure on marriage. In this way, marriage can be overplayed as a milestone and the ultimate source of happiness in our minds, in movies, books, and popular culture but we all know there is more to happiness than marriage.   

If married people really are happier, why is divorce so prevalent? 

In 2021, there were 113,505 divorces across England and Wales, this was a 9.6% increase from 2020. The most common reason for divorce was due to “unreasonable behaviour” which means that your spouse has behaved in an unreasonable manner that you found intolerable to live with them. Unreasonable behaviour can involve things such as abuse, family disputes, financial recklessness, infidelity etc. 

There has been a shift in social attitudes towards divorce. It is more acceptable now than it was in the past to end a marriage that is no longer working. Women have also become more financially independent, there are greater opportunities now and women feel more empowered, making it easier for them to leave unhappy marriages. Finally, it has been made easier to file for a divorce in the UK. It is likely that a combination of these factors has contributed to the increase in divorces. 

Realistic expectations about marriage

While marriage can be particularly beneficial for certain people, it certainly won’t bring happiness to everyone. Some people can simply find happiness and fulfilment in other ways such as work, friendships community, etc.  

Many view marriage as a personal choice rather than an expectation, and there is a growing acceptance of different types of relationships and family structures. There has also been a shift away from traditional gender roles, more couples share responsibilities and women are more likely to pursue their own aspirations alongside their partners. This is not to say that marriage is not a priority for those in modern society, but rather that people feel less pressure to put a ring on it.

Therefore, yes, certain marriages can provide emotional support, companionship, and stability, but marriage is definitely not a guarantee of happiness. 

The mixed results from studies call for more research to be conducted but also emphasises the fact that happiness is subjective! Once your basic needs are fulfilled (such as air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing and reproduction) it is up to you to conclude what defines your happiness and this can go beyond one’s relationship status. 

Msc Saiyuri Naidu is a Senior Assistant Psychologist at the RESET Health Group and an MSc Clinical Psychology Graduate with a special interest in trauma and how this can affect an individual’s mind and body.